Sunday, 18 October 2015

The Deputy: Tuesday

Waking up in jail ain’t new to me but in an open cell… well, I guess there’s a first time for everything. Slept real good too. I figure it makes sense to stay in town, cheap, and be right on the job early in the morning. While Housty’s away there’s nothing to hurry home for anyhow, and it’s about time that dog of mine learned to take care of himself. Even if he don’t, there’s always someone passing by; if Miss Patsy don’t spoil him with cake, someone will.


Emmett figured a fox was to blame when Ma Bingham dropped by and said another of her chickens had gone missing. Poor woman, I felt sorry for her. Can’t be easy for a woman on her own but she brightened some when Emmett promised he’d look into it. It’s a job he’d have given me, I reckon, if Housty hadn’t taken my horse. But she had, and I was left to keep law and order in town while Emmett went to investigate.

‘A good lawman knows when to step in and when to step back’ said Emmett, before he rode out. ‘Remember that and you’ll be fine.’ 

Well, I stepped back into the office and put my feet up behind Emmett’s desk. I figured if I was gonna be in charge for a while then I was entitled to some thinking time, and thinking comes a whole easier with coffee and a cigarettes. By eleven o’clock I’d had a gutful of coffee and I’d rolled enough cigarettes to keep me going all day, I was ready to walk the town but as soon I opened the door, I stepped back. Granny Applegate was waddling up the street and I was quick to lock the door and hunker down behind the desk.

Sure enough, she came knocking, first at the door and then at the window.

‘Woo-hoo! Is anybody in?’ 

A risky peep showed her prying though the window. 

‘Deputy Valance… are you there?’


Danged woman just wouldn’t let up. Seemed an age before she went away and glory be for that, since my legs were dead and I couldn’t get up till I’d stretched out on the floor and got my blood pumping again.

I moseyed on down the street when I got the use of my legs back, and stopped by at The Parlor. Strictly business, you understand, as I figured I’d be negligent in my duties if I didn’t call in and have a word with the proprietor. Course I knew Cordelia would make a fuss of me, and maybe I puffed my chest out a little more than I should when her girls gathered round to admire my badge, but getting along with people is all part of the job, I reckon. I might have strutted some when I came out of there but I guess that’s only natural when a man feels like he’s on top of the world. It’s nice to walk the street and trade a friendly word for a cheery smile, and tip my hat to the ladies. I got a fussed at Annie’s too, when I stopped by for something to eat.

Someone was sure to test me sooner or later. The sheriff warned me about that. I figured he had the Bradley brothers in mind or maybe the Mallorys. There’s a whole nest of them varmints and there’s always trouble when they’re around. But no, Emmett was talking about anyone and everyone, anywhere at anytime. Just be ready, he said.


The Cat’s Whiskers, one of those new establishments that serves cheap liquor to kill the taste of the swill they call food, attracts customers befitting of its backstreet location. I thought I’d run an eye over the place this afternoon and though everything seemed fine and dandy when I turned down the backstreet, I was wary. A handful of men were mooching around outside and I cottoned on fast when one of them stepped out and marked his ground in the middle of the street. 

‘That’s far enough Mister,’ said the man. ‘You the law around here?’

‘Yup’

‘Got a name?’

‘Valance… Deputy Valance.’

The man spat in the dirt.  ‘Never heard of you,’ he said. 

Sizing him up was easy; a smug looking cuss of around thirty, on the prod and putting on a show for his cronies. Well, I learned a long time ago that the best way to deal with trouble is to look it in the eye, and six steps forward gave the jasper something to think about. I asked him if something was bothering him. When he didn’t answer right away, I walked on some more and asked him again.

‘I don’t like lawmen, specially the kind that swagger around acting high and mighty,’ he said.

Well, just as high and mighty as I could, I strode right up to him. ‘And I don’t like blowhards,’ I said. ‘So I guess that makes us even. We can live with it or we can do something about it. It’s your call, friend.’

Big Mouth’s face twitched. He didn’t look so sure of himself anymore. I had him spooked; I could see it in his eyes and when I stared him down, he backed off. Course he didn’t go quietly. In words not fit for repeating, he got louder and braver the further he slunk off. Might have saved his face some, but the law had come out on top and I guess that’s all that matters. 

I got the sheriff’s approval when he returned later. ‘You handled it just right. Keeping the peace is what we’re here for,’ he said. ‘Now come with me to the livery, we need to get you a horse. ’

Emmett wasn’t happy. Seemed Ma Bingham had her very own chicken thief, camped out in the hills. A trail of feathers wasn’t hard to follow but when someone took a shot at him, Emmett backtracked. Don’t blame him, either. Only a fool would go up there alone.

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