The Wild Bunch

I was sitting peaceably on the porch, just counting my ribs and contemplating having berries for dinner this afternoon when a certain bunch of females showed up in a wagon. Surprise surprise, weren’t a single one of them dressed like they’d been to bible class.

Well, one by one Miss Brandi, Miss April and Miss Sweet climbed down from the wagon, and one by one they smiled and said hello. Then along came Miss Houston, with a big hug and a hello for Nameless, and a lemon sucking stare for me.  

‘Good afternoon Valance.’

‘Miss Houston.’

‘Don’t bother to stand up.’

‘I wasn’t going to.’

‘I’m not staying; I just came back for some clothes.’

Danged woman sauntered right by me and into the house. Course I didn’t take kindly to her acting all high and mighty on my front porch, but I bit my lip and left her to it. Since the ways of a woman have baffled man since time began I don’t trouble myself to fret about the things a woman does. Same goes for her friends. One minute Miss April, Miss Brandi and Miss Sweet were saying hello, next minute they were making a shameless fuss of Nameless and ignoring me like I wasn’t there. Why?  Because that’s the way the sisterhood works.

Well, they all clambered back on the wagon when Miss Houston got her clothes. But then Miss Houston came back. I figured she’d forgotten something, till I realized she had something behind her back; a bottle of whiskey, it turned out. I was ready to let bygones be bygones when she offered it to me, but then she smashed it, on purpose and with plenty of malice aforethought, right there on the table. 

‘Oops’ she said. ‘I hear you’ve been having a good time at The Parlor. Anything you’d like to say Cowboy?’ 

‘Yeah… goodbye.’