Peace and Goodwill

Peaceful is as peaceful gets when you don’t see a living soul for days.  I’m no stranger to solitude but without Housty I… well, I ain’t used to having nobody around to clean the house and fill the bath tub, and I can’t remember when I last ate something that wasn’t boiled in a pot with its own piss. A man needs a little comfort and joy once in a while, ‘specially at this time of year. Come Christmas Eve, I gave up hankering for that dang blasted woman and went into town.

Going into town was a big mistake. Weren’t that I didn’t like the food at the steakhouse, or the bottle I shared with Ike Mason at The Lonesome Duck. Ike warned me Bull Bradley was on the loose but I had other things on my mind when I left, most of them concerning Cordelia and the seasonal humping I was gonna give her. Well, I never made it. I was halfway up the street when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Remember the fracas I had with Tom Bradley? His baby brother sure did.

After putting me through a window at Elderberry’s Eating House, Big Bull jumped in after me. Hell, they don’t call him Big Bull for nothing; he was beating the hell out of me and throwing me around like rag doll when the sheriff turned up and marched us over to the jailhouse. 

I barely slept that night. With nothing but iron bars between me and Bull in the next cell, I was scared of closing my eyes. 

I figured the sheriff would let us out the morning, but it didn’t work out that way. He was all dressed up in his Sunday suit when he showed up around eleven o’clock, and he wasn’t for sticking around, heading for the door just as soon as he’d given us a bowl of beans and a jug of water apiece.

‘Ain’t you turning us loose?’

‘No.’

‘Why not? If there’s a fine to pay I’ll pay mine and Bull’s. Hell, I’ll even pay for the glass I broke when he put me through the window. I’m good for it, you know that.’

‘That’s mighty generous of you Valance,’ said Bull. ‘How about it Sheriff?’

Emmett shook his head. ‘The Elderberry’s haven’t put a figure on the damages yet, and I’m not bothering them today. I expect they’ll let me know tomorrow.’

My last hope was to suggest a bond. ‘A hundred dollars ought to cover it. Turn us loose now and I’ll be back with the money by nightfall. What do you say?’

‘We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’

‘Aw c’mon Emmett, you can’t keep us locked up, not today. It’s supposed to be a time for peace and goodwill to all men, ain’t it?’

‘You should have thought about that before you started busting things up yesterday. Anyway, I need to be getting along. I’m not spending Christmas Day clearing up your mess.’

‘Where you going?’

‘If it was any of your business I’d tell you I was having dinner with Cora and her folks.’

‘Still courting, huh? Well I pity the poor girl. I just hope she comes to her senses before she makes a big mistake and sees you for the mean snake you are.’

‘Don’t blame me, you got yourself into this.’

‘You might at least get us some coffee!’

‘I’m all out…. I’ll see what I can do when the store opens tomorrow.’

Hell, did I do some cussing when the door slammed shut, but I couldn’t hold a grudge against Emmett. Deep down, I knew he owed us nothing and he was as good as his word next day. Meantime, me and Bull endured the most miserable Christmas Day ever, counting beans and eating beans, and betting beans on spitting beans. When that got tiresome we split our tobacco, shared a couple of cigarettes and slept the damned day through. Peace and goodwill to all men? Huh, maybe for some.